Twenty Years
If I saw you on the street
Would I know your name?
Can twenty years replace the fears
For what love there is that might remain?

Can love survive the sands of time
And be reborn another day?
Can twenty years of silent tears
Be simply washed away?

Can a flame that burned twenty years ago
Ignite again another day?
Or does twenty years reinforce the fears
That the flame has simply burned away?

Twenty years is but a drop in time
But to me, it's been forever
Can twenty years undue the tears
Or am I destined to cry forever ?

But if you passed me on the street one day
Would you even know my name
Would twenty years reinforce the fears
That the love I once knew could ever be the same?
 
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Eternity's Sea
Here I stand at the waters edge
Just staring out to sea
Haunted by the same old question
Is there anyone out there for me

And if there is then where are you
Are you struggling against eternity's tide
Or maybe your scared by what you will find
Deciding instead to run and hide

Which only leaves me here once again
With nothing but my dreams and me
To hold back the tears that run down my face
To fall into the blackness of eternity's sea

But I have faith that you're still out there
Drifting among the tears of eternity's sea
Answering the call of some distant dream
And making your way slowly to me.
 
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Emily
Every now and then it seems
My memories find a life in my dreams
I awake each morning and to my dismay
Lost and alone to face the day
You are the life I find in my dreams

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Life in the Machine
And like another notch in the machine
The man just goes on living
Not concerned with what's around him
Or the thing’s in life he's missing

Just living out his life according to a plan
Conceived by some other machine
As to make his life more efficient,
So that it all fits into scheme

In this world of silicone thoughts
To the man there's room to think
Only room for what his machines have planned
And from his realty room to sink.

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Chasing Ghosts
I can't escape the thought of her
And I really don't know why
But everyday it's a dream repeated
Like chasing ghosts from a time gone by.

She's in my dreams, my thoughts, and my wishes
She's a reflection of my soul.
She's the fleeting moment that escaped in the night
She's the chapter of my life untold.

And as her memory haunts my mind
I pray we meet again one day
And in her arms I find the strength
To chase the ghosts away

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Past, Present, Future
We are the past we both have missed
the present we both cherish
and the future we have yet to become.

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From A Far..
I can hear a distant heartbeat,
And it cries alone inside.
I can feel the sorrow in the night,
From the pain it can not hide.

I heard a distant teardrop fall,
And land upon the ground.
I heard the sadness held within,
In the echo of the sound.

I can feel a broken spirit,
Wandering the night alone.
Looking for the piece of hope,
That has left it own it's own.

I can hear an angles voice,
Crying softly from a far.
And I can only sit and wonder why,
And wonder where you are.

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The Fall
There’s not a dream you do not touch
Or thought that passes by
I can not get you off my mind
No matter what I try
But I often wonder to myself
If you even no I’m there
Or am I just nameless face
From the shadows of nowhere
So how do I tell you that I’ve fallen
And my world is coming apart
How do I chose the words to say
To express what I fell in my heart
And when my world comes crashing down
Will you be there to catch my fall
Or will you close your eyes to me
As if I wasn’t there at all

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My Friend…
Long has it been, since I’ve found such a friend
More special and wonderful then you
And never have I found a friendship so sound
Or a friend who was more honest and true

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Hope and Inspiration
You never have to say a word
Or tell me that you care
It’s just enough to comfort me
In knowing that you’re there
And I can not find the words I want
That can tell you what you mean to me
They couldn’t even come close enough
To describe the beauty that I see
Because in you’re eyes I see my world
And in you spirit my salvation
And in my world you are both
My hopes and inspiration

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Chances
In the shelter of my silence
From my feelings I would hide
Afraid to tell you what I thought
Or how I felt inside

And in my silence late at night
Alone I think of you
I think of the chance I never took
And the love I never knew

But now the chance has come full circle
And I wonder what I’ll say
Should I tell you of my love for you
Or let you fade away

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A Simple Man
I can’t explain the way I feel
Or the love I have for you
I can’t describe the joy inside
And I don’t know what to do
For I am but a simple man
Who knows only simple ways
And you are present in my thoughts
Through both my nights and days.
And if I was given half a chance
To prove my love was true
There wouldn’t be a thing on earth
That I wouldn’t do for you
So if it took the stars in heaven
To make you understand
I would pull them all from the sky
And lay them in your hand
Then I would put you in their place
For all the world to see
That there’s nothing more wonderful then you
And nothing more beautiful to me.

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The Road
The road is like the truths of life
Warped by its curves and bends
And you can only be sure of where it starts
And never where it ends.
And as my journey through life grows long
And my road continues to wind
I look forward to each new crossroad
And the future that I may find
But I find myself in the center of the road
As I head down this path once more
Wondering about the direction I’ve chosen
Like so many times before.
And I pray one day I find that bridge
That joins our roads forever
And we find our courses are now the same
And we finish the journey together
So up until then I’ll continue my pace
Looking for you at each roads bend
Knowing until I find that bridge
My journey can never end
And on those days I can’t continue
And I feel my journey’s through
I will find the strength within the thought
That at the end of the road is you.

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Night Time’s Veil
There in the nighttime shadows it seems
I find you standing on the edge of a dream
Wrapped in the veils of night times arms
Hidden from the mishaps of night falls harms
And there in this dreamscape that plays in my mind
I never want to leave this world that I find
And when I awake with the dawn of day
I try to hold on as the dream fades away
And I hang on to its memory till the day is done
So I can dream of you again when the nighttime comes.

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Storms
I sit by the window and watch the rain come down,
Listening to the storms outside.
I pass the time by thinking of you,
And another night of sleep denied.

And in the loneliness of this night,
When I seek shelter from the storms.
I have your memory to keep me company,
And your love to keep me warm.

But my love she lives a world away,
Where the skies are clear and blue.
Unlike the storms that ravage my world,
As a lonely reminder of you.

So in the window I trace your name,
Like so many nights before.
And right after that I put the words
You are my love forever more.

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The Singer
A song comes along and reminds me of you,
Just when I’ve gotten you out of my mind.
Stirring up feeling’s and emotion’s inside,
That I thought I could leave behind.

A few sad notes repeated again and again,
The beginnings are always the same.
As if the music had a life of it’s own,
And the ballad was calling you name.

The words of the song will touch that place,
Where I kept your memory inside.
Bringing them back to life once again,
Along with the feelings I tried to hide.

Then the band breaks out into the chorus,
Like an anthem for the love we once knew.
Erasing any chances I may have had,
Of forgetting the love that once was you.

I am left alone in the dark once again,
And there isn’t a thing I can say.
I can only listen as the song comes to a close
And the music and words fade away.

Essay : Love, my version there of
I have tried many times to explain to you what you mean to me. In all my attempts to use rhyme and verse I have failed. Where I want to say a specific thing or convey a certain thought I find myself restricted in what I can say by the boundaries of rhyme.

You have become the sun that my world evolves around. Rising and setting on my dreams like it does the seas. From its glow I feel the warmth that envelops my soul in love and carrying as such I have never known. You shine in the heavens like no other person has in my life and it may be true that it is god who created the heavens but it is you who truly makes it heavenly. If I were to loose you, it would be like a world without a sun, always dark, cold, and forbidding, always each morning looking to the heaven’s praying for your return.

You are the inspiration that drives my world, awaking my eyes to colors and passions I had been blind to before. Where there was no direction there was you showing me the way, guiding me without saying a word. You are the pillar I lean against when I am weak and in need of strength.

You are love.

Essay : The Window
This was originally written in my junior year of high school.

And there at the line that separates night from day is a window looking into two different worlds. One is shrouded in darkness and despair the other blanketed in light. A window that separates right from wrong, good from evil and man from himself. Most who look upon the window only see a mirror reflecting back upon themselves the things that only they can see on the surface, not realizing that life is transparent and there is more to see under the surface then above. To many people take what is, and what will be for granted never realizing that they have the power to change what is. Most people looking through the window can not see past the light of day. Those who look beyond it refuse to accept what they see. Then again most of the world is blind to the realities that face it seeking refuge in there cubical communities and social doctrines. People need to open their window and realize the world around them before some fool comes along and throws a rock through it before they are ready to accept it.

Essay: The Canvas
If my world were a canvas, then you would be the brush that would paint life across in colors of beauty hope and desire. Images painted by a hand whose touch creates visions of perfection upon its empty surface. Every stroke of every new line breathing life into the work as each new creation springs to life with a newfound spirit of existence. Each newly formed creation reaching out to its creator in an attempt to meld with the one thing more perfect then itself. The Images dance, they play and they rejoice as your brush caresses the canvas defining, redefining each detail, teaching each image to live, to grasp at each new chance presented and to never let go of the reality or the dreams it posses. Each new image like a brand new experience you create, more bold and radiant then the last always crying out for the love and warmth that is you, which only leaves the artist and the onlooker wanting more.

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Human Nature… An Unnatural Understanding

The following is my understanding of the absolute truths of human nature.

It is human nature…
     For man to fear a love that seems perfect when he is young,
     yet fear he never finds it later in life

It is human nature…
     For man to fear anything he doesn’t understand
     While at the same time
     Blaming god for what he can’t explain.

It is human nature…
     For man to destroy what he can not change by trying to change it.

It is human nature…
     For man to root for the underdog in any event.

It is human nature…
     For man to abhor change.

More to follow as I understand them….

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The Island I
Across these seas I take my ship,
Looking for the island that is I.
Across the cruelties of mindless hell’s,
And the ocean of societies lies.

Trapped in the tides of the religious creed,
Guided by the ranting of the immoral few.
Preaching and dictating to keep the masses in line,
Defining the things that we can say and do.

This ocean of societies whims and natures,
Crash across our bough and stern
Forcing our ships to follow her course,
Regardless of our hopes and concerns.

If not for the island of I, I seek
I would be content as the others I have found.
To sit at the wheel of my ship so blind,
And allow our society to run it aground.

So I turn my ship against societies norms,
And fill my sails with the wind of the free.
I question the laws of the immoral few,
And the lies of societies seas.

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The Box
Here in my box, far from societies reach,
I can escape the grind of its wheel.
Churning away on the ignorant masses,
Turning suppressive opinion into mass appeal.

The machine turns away refining, defining,
Calculating man’s wishes and whims.
And man is so quickly to give himself up,
For the mindless pleasures that define him.

Now I refuse to be just another cog,
In the wheels of societies machine.
Destroying the practices of freedom of thought,
And crushing the spirit of a dream.

So here in my box, I gather my thoughts,
Afraid to say what I feel.
Afraid of what the masses might do,
And the wraith of societies wheel.

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This Tattered Book
In this tattered book of mine,
For all the world to see.
I scribe the deepest thoughts
That defines the inner me.
Broken out by chapters,
Through it’s worn and tattered pages,
Are the years as I have lived them,
Described throughout the ages.
For life is like this tattered book,
Each page a day in time.
With every new experience,
Written out in rhyme.
And this worn out tattered book I carry,
That reflects my hopes and dreams.
Echoed on its worn out pages,
In such fragile states it seems.
But bound between its covers,
Are the things so dear to me.
And I hope within these words and rhyme,
You come to understand the things I see.
For when my life has come and gone,
And all that’s left behind,
Will be my dreams and hopes I shared,
Through this worn and tattered book of mine.

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That Distance Can Not Tame
Although miles may keep us apart,
Our hearts beat one in the same.
And my love for you knows no bounds,
Born from the heart of loves eternal flame.
And the miles may keep us worlds apart,
But my soul goes where it can not reach.
And meets you in a spiritual embrace,
On the sands of a spaceless beach.
And in this world where distance is mute
And time a thing of the past
I take you in my arms and whisper to you
Of love that will forever last
So what distance may do to keep us apart
Or try to drive us insane
There's always that place within our hearts
That distance can not tame.

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Night Times Hand
When I close my eyes at night,
And succumb to night times hand.
journey to a far off place,
Of a blissful wonderland.
Where placid seas of azure blue,
Break along a tranquil beach.
Pushing upon the sand of time,
That eternity can not reach.
Where dreams as grand as the clouds in heaven,
Parade across its endless skies.
Dancing in rhythm with my beating heart,
Before my watchful eyes.
There on the shores of this tranquil beach,
We can find each other there.
And in each other’s eyes we see,
The depth of the love we both share.
Where you take me by the hand,
And softly brush my face.
We pull each other closer,
Dying in each other’s warm embrace.
And in each other’s arms we fall,
Into the timeless sands of summers bliss.
Where angles voices fill my head
Each and every time we kiss.
And here in this world we lay forever,
Under the skies of velvet blue.
Wrapped in the arms of each others desires,
Where the only thing that matters is you.
But night times hand can only grasp so long,
Under the pressure of day times cries.
I’m thrown back to the reality of my world
Whenever I open my eyes.
And as I lay there half awake,
Your memory still in my head.
I pray somehow when I open my eyes
You’ll be standing there at the end of the bed.
But every morning is like the one before,
When I awake your never around
And I look forward each night to night times breath
For I know in my dreams where you can be found.

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My Love For You
No words I find, no rhymes I use,
Or anything I can say or do.
Can explain the way you’ve touched my life
Or the love I have for you.

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Let Me Be The One
Let my shoulder be the one you cry on,
When you complain about your day.
Looking for a soothing word,
To chase the blues away.

Let mine be the name you call
When you close your eyes at night
When you dream he’s lying there with you
And within his arms he’s holding you tight.

Let my eyes be the ones you see,
When you dream about making love.
And that the arms that hold you closely,
Are mine your thinking of off.

Let my lips be the ones you kiss
As you lay there in his arms.
Holding you so close to him
Ticked away from any harm.

Let my smile be the first you see
When you wipe your sleep away,
When you lift your head to greet the dawn,
And when you open your eyes to each new day.

Let my love be the one you want
Until the end of time
Tell me that you want all this
And tell me that you’re mine.

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Wonder of it All
I’m so amazed at the way I feel
When I think of you
You open my mind to all new wonders
And colors my eye’s never knew
You lift my spirit to all new heights
Chasing it to the edge of life it seems
You pull rainbows from the darkest skies
And interweave them with my dreams
You make every detail of life stand out
Regardless of how big or small
You make my life seem more complete
And I am amazed at the wonder of it all.

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Do You
Do you think of me when you’re alone,
The way I think of you.
Imagining us doing all the things,
When I imagine what we do.

Do you see me when you close your eyes,
The way that I see you.
Pulling me into the warmth of your arms,
Doing all the things I see us do.

Do you feel me in your beating heart,
The way that I feel you.
Coursing through my veins so alive and warm,
Alive in all I see and do.

Do you think of me when a song comes on,
The way they remind me of you.
Do I live and breathe within the words,
The way I feel you do.

Do you think you could ever love me,
The way that I love you.
With every ounce of my life and soul,
Over everything you say and do.

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You
You really have no way of knowing
What you mean to me
The way you set my soul on fire
And set my spirit free.

You breath life into this dreary old world
Awakening sensations long held inside
opening doors in the recesses of my mind
where long lost dreams would run and hide.

You bring visions of beauty, wonder and delight
Hope in the times when none can be found.
You have this way of brightening the world
Revealing the beauty in everything around.

You taught me how to live and dream once again
From just your simple touch
You should me what it means to love someone
And I have never known a love as such.

You awaken heaven with every word you speak
Inspiring poets and artist alike
You bring into this world all that is good
And into my life a wonderful delight.

You are the thing I find so perfect
In this world of twisted hopes and dreams
For when I look into your eyes
The rest of the world goes away it seems

And for one brief moment within our lives
The one most perfect thing that I can find
Is when we concisely rise to the same plateau
And our spirits, hearts, and souls combine

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He’s Holding You
Where are you tonight as I lay here alone
Lonesome and wide awake once again.
Resurrecting your memory from out of the past
Where in your arms I use to lay then.

Your Picture in my wallet, a lonely reminder
Of the love we once knew
Now faded and worn, I’ve carried with me
Since the day you said we were through.

And now I know there’s no chance for forgiveness
And there’s nothing I can say or do
For while I’m holding onto a memory
He’s holding on to you.

You said I never noticed you anymore
And that my love seemed so far away
You cried these words on my shoulder
When you left me for another that day

And now I notice that you are not there
And that my love has long since gone
Only your memory remains to remind me
Of how I did you wrong

And now I know there’s no chance for forgiveness
And there’s nothing I can say or do
For while I’m holding onto a memory
He’s holding on to you.

And I am still holding on.

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Out of my mind
Tearstains on the pillow, heartache on my mind
Ever since you wrote me good-bye
A life time of loving, over in a heartbeat
And I really don’t know why.

A letter on the mantle is all that you left me
When I came home from work that day
Nothing inside it explained the reasons why
That you felt you had to get away.
So now I’m going out of my mind

Over each and every line
Trying to understand what I did wrong
For in your words I can’t find
Any reason clear to mind
That explains why you’ve gone.

My trembling hands hold your letter each night
As I struggle through your words once more
And I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong
To make me loose the one I adore.

So I set it down your pillow
The very one where you use to lay
And cry myself to sleep

Wondering why you went away
So now I’m going out of my mind
Over each and every line
Trying to understand what I did wrong
For in your words I can’t find
Any reason clear to mind
That explains why you’ve gone.

Going out of my mind
Over each and every line.

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Love You Any Less
You say I don’t love you anymore
Like the way I use to
And now I seem so far away
No longer close to you.

You say I don’t think of you
Or write you poems anymore
You say I no longer make you feel
The way you felt before.

You say my kisses lack the flame
That set you soul on fire
And that my touch is as cold as stone
And my heart has lost its desire.

And I think it’s sad these things you say
That are all to far from true
Because if you really knew me like you say
Then you’d know my love for you.

My love goes beyond any word or rhyme
Or any thoughts I have for you
My love has grown into something more wonderful
Then what it was you knew.

I would have to love you less
To love you like it used to be
Something I can not bring my self to do
For what you mean to me

So if I can not love more then ever
Then the way it used to be
Then maybe we should say goodbye
And I should set you free.

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That Nobody Knows
Got to be in another town by noon,
So I am gone before the dawn.
She said her good-byes the night before,
For when she awakes she knows I’ll be gone.

Day after day we take the show on the road.
And wherever we go it’s always the same.
Hardship and heartache for the rodeo hand,
And for the rider eight seconds of fame.

Months at a time the road is my home,
Because of the life I chose.
From one more town with more name,
I go where the rodeo goes.

For this is the life of the rodeo hand,
The cowboy that nobody knows.
We tear it all down and haul it all night,
Got to be in the next town by dawn.
We put it back up before the sun can get high
So the rodeo show can go on.

And later that day, the roar of the crowd
And the cheers that come from the stand
Are for the eight second ride the cowboy just had
And never for the rodeo hand.

Months at a time the road is my home,
Because of the life I chose.
From one more town with more name,
I go where the rodeo goes.

For this is the life of the rodeo hand,
The cowboy that nobody knows
For this is the life of the rodeo hand
Who goes where the rodeo goes
He’s the cowboy that nobody knows

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She Doesn’t Come Home To Me
She is the light that fills my world
The star that guides my dreams
She is the one pure perfect thing
That’s come into my life it seems
And as she lays here in my arms
And through the love we made tonight
I can’t remember anything more perfect
Or anything feeling so right
But when she leaves my arms tonight
And I beg her please to stay
She’ll smile like she always does
And brush my tears away

And no matter how much I want her to stay
I know it can never be
For when she comes home at night
She doesn’t come home to me.

Hers is the only world I want
And the only love I want to know
And it kills me every time she says
"You know I have to go"
For the ring upon her finger
Wasn’t put upon her hand by me
She’s already given her vows to another
Who will never set her free.

And no matter how much I want her to stay
I know it can never be
For when she comes home at night
She doesn’t come home to me.

She doesn’t come home to me

Will she ever come home to me?

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Chances
(Talking)
Hello, how are you? You’re looking pretty good….
Has it really been twelve years?
Me? Well you know….

(Sing)
The years have been pretty good to me
And I have very few regrets
In chasing the chances of my younger years
Not knowing what to expect.
But now that I’m older I’ve come to find
That I’ve made only one mistake
Not in any of the chances I’ve chased
But in the chances I didn’t take.
Now that I see you standing there
I find it’s easy to say
I would trade all the chances I’ve taken
If I could get back just one today
You were the best chance I never took
And the dream I let slip away.

(Talking)
What’s that you say?
You felt the same way too?
But now you married
So what am I suppose to do?

(Sing)
What were the chances we’d meet again?
After we said our good-byes
And you were offering yourself to me
On a chance I wouldn’t try
And if I could do it all over again
There’s something I want you to know
If I could turn back the hands of time
There’s not a chance I’d let you go.
Now that I see you standing there
I find it’s easy to say
You were the best chance I never took
And the dream I let slip away.

(Talking)
It was nice seeing you too…
Do you really have to go?

(Singing)
And again I let the best chance slip away

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Mending Fences
I find I’m mending fences
To avoid the consequences
Of my foolish ways
To much wine and fancy dances
And one night circumstances
Of my younger days
One night of indiscretion
Another bad decision
When she said she had to have me
I made a wrong connection
When I showed her my affection
Now the baby calls me daddy

That’s why I’m mending broken fences
She’s tearing at all of my defenses
Dragging me down the aisle
I’m here with no pretences
Trapped behind her fences
Because of my wayward style

So if you’re looking for attention
Think of me upon reflection
And don’t try to play this game
I traded in my reputation
For a life of marital obligation
And now nothing’s been the same
So now I’m putting up new fences
Fighting off my old romances
Because of this golden band

No more wine and fancy dance
Or one night circumstances
She just wouldn’t understand.

Mending broken fences….

No more one night circumstances….

No more wine or fancy dances….

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Bottom of the Bottle
No, I don't have you on my mind
And I don't miss you like before
I've stopped crying since you left me
And I don't love you anymore
I no longer work down at the factory
This new job seems to suit me quit fine
It's now a full time occupation
Trying to drink you off my mind.

So if you've wondered where I've been
It's trying to forget what could have been
And I'm finding comfort in this bottle of gin
I'm at the bottom of the bottle once again

I've found something to replace you
Something with a little more class
And it doesn't take my heart when it leaves
And it only leaves behind an empty glass.
Now I'm drinking full time to forget you
Just one more bottle and I'll be fine
Because somewhere down there at the bottom
Is the key to getting you off my mind

So if you've wondered where I've been
It's been trying to forget what could have been
And I'm finding comfort in this bottle of gin
I'm at the bottom of the bottle once again

Now I'm drinking full time to forget you
Just one more bottle and I'll be fine
Because somewhere down there at the bottom
Is the key to getting you off my mind

And I'm finding comfort in this bottle of gin
At the bottom of the bottle once again

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Father's Shoes
I got the news in the mail last week
That my father had past away.
I sat on the porch and cried for hours
Reminiscing for the rest of the day.
I recall this old leather hat he wore
That he gave me as a present one day.
I remember it was too big to fit on my head
But I wore that old hat anyway.
Mother had died when we were young
And my father raised us on his own
He had to quit his job at the cotton mill
So he could take care of us all at home.

Now I have a wife and kids of my own
And I'm paying the family dues.
And although now I could wear his old hat
I could never fill his shoes.

My mothers passing hit him quit hard
And inside it tore him apart.
But he raised us all the best that he could
With a bible in one hand and love in his heart
My father was the proudest man I knew
To proud for the handouts of the welfare line
He would make ends meet working odd jobs
Whenever he could find the time.
Father managed to put us all through school
He sacrificed whatever it took.
And I remember face on graduation day
And just how proud he looked.

And I never got the chance to thank him
For paying his family dues
And although now I could wear his old hat
I could never fill his shoes.

Because of his sacrifice and love for us
Making sure our lives wouldn't be the same.
He kept us from knowing the life he had led
And from feeling any of the shame.

I called my son out and gave him that hat
And told him the terrible news
And although now I could wear his old hat
I could never fill his shoes.

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Crying on the Phone
She called me on the phone today
Said she's sorry for the wrong
Wanted to know if we could talk
Maybe try and get along
It's been a year since she said goodbye
With a new love that she had found
Made it quit clear she'd never be back
There's no use in waiting around.

Now she's crying on the phone
Begging to come home
To undo the things she's done
She's sorry for the wrong
That she's cause be all along
She's so sorry for what she's done

She thought I'd be sitting here
Waiting for her to call
Wanting her back into my life
But it ain't that way at all
When she left to chase her dreams
She left me on my own
Thinking I'd be missing her
The way she left me all alone

Now she's crying on the phone
Begging to come home
To undo the things she's done
She's sorry for the wrong
That she's cause be all along
She's so sorry for what she's done

But what she doesn't know
Is I'm not missing here at all
She can't undo the things she's done
Or fix the pain that I recall
And it hurt much more to hold her
Then it was to let her go
And it's her that I feel sorry for
And the love that she'll never know

Now she's crying on the phone
Begging to come home

She's so sorry for what she's done

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The Next Mister"X"
There she sits at the end of the bar
On the arm of some new guy
How many times has she looked my way
And smiled like I'm just some passer by
I took my drink and the seat next to her
And smiled when she turned my way
And it must have seemed like I wasn't there
She just looked at me and turned the other way

And I have to ask

Do you remember you're promise to me
The way you said we would forever be
And after all this time you still can't see
What it was that you meant to me
And the saddest part of it all I see
Is, you don't even remember me

I introduced myself as the last mister "X"
And I raised my glass to her new guy
If she doesn't break your heart when she leaves
Then you'll end up a better man then I
But don't be surprised if you're on the street one-day
Or at the end of some smoky filled bar
And she passes a glance in your direction
And hasn't a clue as to who you are

And I have to ask

Do you remember you're promise to me
The way you said we would forever be
And after all this time you still can't see
What it was that you meant to me
And the saddest part of it all I see
Is, you don't even remember me

I just smiled once more and told her good bye
And shook the hand of the next mister "X"
I just thought you should know if it happens to you
This way you'll know just what to expect

And the saddest part of it all I see
Is, you don't even remember me

You don't even remember me

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Essay: Physical VS Spiritual Beauty

Life is nothing more than an experience caught in any given moment of time. It is expressed and kindled by the emotions and feelings of those individuals occupying that given moment. Artists and craftsman can only recreate the moment as it occurred to them transfixing it in the medium of their choice. The writer can speak vaguely enough of it to allow the reader the freedom to interject their memories of it with their own imagination.

Love and passion, although eternal, dies when one gives up their understanding of it to another's interpretation. Spiritual beauty by far exceeds physical beauty in strength and scope. The physical beauty like the artist clay can be molded and sculptured into any one individual or societies version of beauty and if need be can be re-sculptured later if that definition changes. Spiritual beauty however exists inside the individual; outside the constraint's of society and individual influence. The viewer cannot see spiritual beauty but it is reflected in everything around them and although you can not see it you know it is there. No matter what society says or demands, it does not alter or change that beauty that is inside. Consider this, physical beauty can only and always be temporary. Physical beauty must be altered or changed to keep up with the changing interruption of it and the scars of time. Therefore, any state of love based on physical beauty can never last as that love is based on a temporary set of conditions. Spiritual beauty however, is always growing and learning, molding and creating ideals and interpretations. Which means that spiritual beauty directly effects the definition of physical beauty. Love based on spiritual beauty is by far more pure then the physical. Spiritual beauty unlike the physical transcends time, growing stronger and vaster with each new experience drawn into its existence.

The sad part of it all is that our society is more strongly drawn to the physical then the
spiritual. Why do we allow our lives to chase and dream about the temporary set of conditions that is physical beauty, rather then search out and find the truer more desirable spiritual beauty. Love based on physical beauty is nothing more then lust, no less a sin in the eyes of god.

Consider the spiritual love between a child and their mother. A child does not look upon their mother because she looks beautiful but because they know that she is beautiful. When this condition exists between two people they are able to bond spiritually with their beauty. They can then draw upon it to create a stronger more lasting bond that is out of the reach of society and individual influences. Simply put, it is pure.

Spiritual beauty is so very hard to find. Much more then it is for physical beauty to be seen. Spiritual beauty when found effects you inside. It opens you world and your eyes to ideals and colors so rarely seen or overlooked by our wanderings and chasing of the physical beauty.

Physical beauty is the image the artist can recreate on canvas. Spiritual beauty can only be captured and displayed in the souls of individuals.

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Gone are the Cowboys
They work for a big firm in the city
Catch the five a.m. in each day
It's a far cry from this country boy's life
And the signs of a changing way
Gone are the open ranges and trails
Their horses all come with four wheel drive
Gone are the cowboys of yesterday
They're doing what they can to survive

Gone are the cowboys of yesterday
And the call of the old cowboy ways
Making room for the cowboys of today
And the creed of the new cowboy way

They've traded in their ranches and farms
Caused by the hardships they we're facing
And some old two story on the edge of town
Replaces the dreams they were chasing
What was once called the old cowboy way
Is giving way to the changes of time
And from out of it a new way is born
As the old ways are left behind

Gone are the cowboys of yesterday
A breed true of the old American way
Stepping aside for the cowboy's of today
And they're view of the new American way

They say old cowboy's never die
And that they just fade away
Passing on the flame Of the American way
To the new generation of cowboys today

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Only a Smile Away
They teach us heaven is this paradise,
Where angles sing in praise and dance.
To songs of joy and happiness,
And to stories of love and romance.
They say that heaven is a wondrous place,
Alive with beauty like none you've ever seen
Where every waking moment lives aloud
Like a scene from some fantastic dream
But in this paradise so high above
And within the beauty found all around
It can not compare to the things I've seen
And the beauty in you that I've found
Because when I hear people speak of heaven
They turn their heads and gaze to the skies.
But I know that heaven can never be found there,
Because I have found heaven within your eyes.
And if it was paradise I wanted to see
Or angles dancing and singing in play
I would simply turn my attentions to you
For paradise is only your smile away.

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Storms
I can see the storm clouds on there way once again,
Like so many times before.
Always coming around when I'm feeling down,
Now the rain doesn't bother me any more.

It seems like this rain has become a good friend,
The one thing in my life that remains true.
They always come around when I'm feeling down,
Helping to wash away the memories of you.

But there use to be a time I feared the storms,
And I could find shelter in you from it all.
But since you've gone and the storms continue on,
I learned to open my arms to its call.

And now the rain my one true friend,
Can in one small storm remove my fears.
While washing away the memories of you,
And helping to disguise my tears.

No, the rain doesn't bother me any more,
As for the storms there's nothing I can do.
Except open my arms and welcome them in,
And pretend there's still shelter in the memories of you.

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Night Time's Wonder
Lately I seem to be caught in a dream,
Like riding a wave in all directions.
Recalling memories from deep in my mind,
Bringing my past into perception.

I can recall places, times and events,
That I so dearly want to relive.
Momentary instances from out of my past,
Where my heart and my love were both mine to give.

Beneath the veil of nighttime's sky,
Within my dreams I reminisce.
Recalling the joyous sensation I felt,
That came alive inside when we first kissed.

Like springtime fields, so alive in color,
Your spirit and soul so alive and free.
You re-awoke the life that was dying inside,
When you chose to give your love to me.

But that was a moment, temporary in time,
Much like the ghost with her saddened face.
Your love then and now, like this ghost out of time,
In just the blink of an eye, both gone without a trace.

And when the veil gives way to day times call,
And I wake from my dreamful slumber.
I'll look upon my tearstained pillow,
And curse the veil of nighttime's wonder.

For there once was a time in this life of mine
When I held onto you and not to my dreams.
But know you are gone and I am left all alone
Holding onto the visions that nighttime brings.

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The Minuet of the Dream and Dreamer
In the ballrooms of heavens halls,
Where light and shadow both join in dance.
Where nothing innocent can escape the eye,
Or blamed away on circumstance.

Here we find those dreams untouched,
The ones we've yet to chase.
Waiting for a wondering soul to pass it by,
And rest it from its hidden place.

Here dream and dreamer, like shadow and light,
Join in one embrace.
The sky their stage, the night their sonnet,
They begin their timeless chase.

The minuet of the dream and the dreamers dance,
Echo from behind those hollowed walls.
Beckoning others to join in the dance,
Upon the ballroom floors of heaven halls.

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The Speckled Mask
Today you see me as a god,
Or a king in blue and gold. 
Maybe a knight in shining armor,
Like the ones in legends told. 

Sometimes you find me in paupers shoes,
Just begging for a dime.
From the rich and well to do,
Who seem to never have the time.

Followers gather before my feet each day,
Hanging to every word I say.
Moved by the songs and words I preach,
That seem to lift their worries away. 

You see life is nothing but a play,
On a stage that we conceive.
Built upon the fears we face,
And the truths that we believe.

We wear these faces proud and sad,
And play our rolls as cast.
And live this opera we call life
Behind these speckled masks.

And when the final curtain calls,
And my roles are laid to rest.
Did you ever take the time to know me
Or just the parts I played in jest.

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Empire

The captain stood on the deck of his ship
Admiring the grand city walls
The decree from the church he read once again
Proclaimed that this city of sin must fall
He studied his men who stood at their posts
An armada of twelve his command
Who laid down their lives without any question
For the wishes of what the church may demand
He then turned to the city and asked for forgiveness
He'd been given this charge many times before
He knew hundreds would die and thousands would cry
Before the city itself stood no more
So with god in his heart and the bible in hand
He thrust his sword to heavens high
Then cut through the air in one swift motion
Giving the orders to let death fly
The serenity of the calm was shattered at once
As the cannons spat forth fire and thunder
And fire and lead rained from the sky that day
And the city lay crumbled, exploding asunder.

Inside their city, mothers huddled over their children
Taking cover from the death that was knocking outside
Sheltering themselves in the darkest of corners
Wherever they found just enough room to hide
Unfortunate were those who took to the walls
The first to meet death and defeat
And during their escape the rest soon follow
As the armada fired upon their retreat
The wounded and maimed screaming in agony
Praying it would soon come to an end
And as irony would have it, this god that they pray
The same as the armada's from which they defend
So with the city on fire, its buildings in ruin
Those who still can, flee for their lives
Only to be hunted by the armies outside
Charged with the orders of taking those who survive
The armada now quiet, its munitions exhausted,
Settled back as the cannon smoked cleared
And now the only sound that echoed aloud
Came from the screams and the cries out in fear

And safe in new temples far from the city
The church out stretches its arm
Offering shelter to those who would ask it
Under the guise of religious charm
And in masses they strode on wagon and horse
Dragging their riches behind
Like some grand parade of disgusting deformities
And immoral spectacles of every kind
The hungry, the wounded, the deformed are scorned
And given only one chance to be free
By kissing the ring on the bishop's hand
While repenting their sins upon one knee
And in its arm. the church embraces the fold
While the other is found in their pockets deep
Saving their souls from evil temptations
While at the same time the riches they weep
And In the end it wasn't for god the city was ruined
Under the blaze of the armada's fire
No it wasn’t the struggle of good over evil
But for the expansion of the church's own empire

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There In the bask beneath moon light beam,
Her hearth fires burned to warm the cold.
She slept in her comfort so safe and sound,
Unaware of the events about to unfold.

For tonight Achilles stirs the mountain near,
Unaware inside Cerberus lay sleeping.
Who awoke in such a fit of anger and rage
That he shattered the mountain without even blinking.

From this shattered wound poured lava and ash,
As his anger poured from the mountain near.
Creeping it’s way to where our lady lay sleeping,
And extinguishing the life from our lady so dear.

When morning had come with Apollo’s return,
It wasn’t the rain that fell from the heavens all day
It was the tears of the gods that had joined with him
As he wept for the lady, the lady Pompeii

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Letter's To Nobody
"Letters to nobody " is an ideal I got one day driving home. I have often read what others have thought one writer or poet may have meant when they had done a particular piece and were no longer alive to explain it. So, I have decided to nip that in the bud right here in case I ever become famous after I am dead.
"Letters to nobody" is about a man who's spirit is reborn throughout time over and over again. The spirit of his cause, and the his love for life transcends to each of his new existences. The spirit finds itself in the same predicament with each new life, always on the edge of some tragedy. Each letter would be the last thing each existence would have written home to his loved ones or family or his wife. His plight is described through the ages in his letters. His spirit always living to continue it's search much like a ghost not willing to give up it's hold on life.


The Crusader.

Dear Emily.

I am no longer sure if it is god's will we are doing here anymore. All of this killing and senseless bloodshed, how could this be his willing I ask? Is god not suppose to be forgiving and just? Where is the forgiveness we offer these misguided barbarians? Why is it not a hand in understanding gods ways we offer them rather then the end of our swords. What kind of an understanding will they come to know about his glory at the end of my lance. I just don't understand what it is we are trying to do here anymore.

I am bewildered sometimes by our King Louis VII. Yesterday before battle he spoke of the great deeds we are accomplishing here in the lords name. Us the righteous, bringing Christianity to these uncivilized ruthless barbarians who desecrate the Holy land by their presence in it. It seems to me that this battle is not about god and the righteous but of egos and history. What king wants to be remembered as the one who has failed to bring god's word and ways' to these people. A people who do not want it. Yet we cannot accept that and justify killing them in the name of what we can not teach them. Madness if you ask me. Just madness. Who am I to say that a mans life is worthless because of where he lives and his beliefs.

Please do not look upon what I write as blasphemy. What we do here is not god's teaching. This is not about love and understanding. This is about pride and greed. I am almost ashamed to believe that I am an instrument in the destruction of these people. I can only ask that god forgives me for what it is we do here.

This war has lasted to long and will last long after I am gone. So why do we fight it? It only makes the heart grow long and fills my eyes with tears thinking of you so many miles away all alone with our children. I am only grateful that my sister and her husband are there to help you in my absence. I so long miss warmth of your arms and the scent of your hair in the morn. I miss the laughter of the children at the breakfast table in the morning and the way the morning sun reflects off your skin when you first awake to great it each day. Only the lock of your hair you gave me as I rode away that day brings me any kind of comfort in this crusade of ours. I still wear it next to my heart for protection.

Tomorrow we ride on Constantinople itself with Louis VII and Conrad III. They speak as if this is going to be the last battle as the city will fall to us. Then again the Holland will belong to the true believers in god. I pray they are right. Not for the same reason's as them but for the innocent lives this crusade has taken and the months it has taken me away from you.

I hope this letter finds you and the children well. Please give them my love as well as my sister. Thank her husband once again for watching out for you and the children in my absence. If the city truly falls tomorrow then I will be home within a months time. Continue to pray for me as I do for you each day and soon we will be together again my love.

Your husband
James


The Prisoner.

Dearest Em,

It has been days since I have seen the light of day. Even now I can not tell if it is day or night. only by the change of the guard do I have any inkling of time. I fear the end of my time grows close.

I am not even sure if this letter will find you, or even if you are still alive to be found. The months that have dragged on down here do not allow news of the outside world in.

This prison is nightmarish... people have a tendency to vanish whilst I sleep. Sometimes I am awakened to their screams.. sometimes the screams are for hours sometimes even longer.

I am not sure I can take this torment any longer. It is not the solitude or the isolation or even the silence that is getting to me. It is the ideal of being away from your caring arms. I can't tell you the number of times I awake each night in a cold sweat thinking you are there, but alas you are not.

It is more of a prison to be away from you then surrounded by these four cold stone walls that, that, that come to represent everything you are not.. they are cold and bitter, you are warm and sweet, they are dark and hard you are radiant and soft... I miss your soft touch, your soft lips your soft hair.

And what of this crime they accuse me... is it not an unjust state that would condemn a man for believing there is a higher sense to an individuals existence then what the state defines it. What kind of a world is this where one man can extinguish another mans life at just the mere thought of it. while proclaiming it in the name of king and country.

What will this world come to if such a man was allowed to breed and persist and contaminate the thoughts of all men until we are all nothing more then sheep... but I am just a voice... I singular solitary individual... what power have I over this world where I can vanquish this pestilence from our lives. Yet had I any power at all would I be here now, or would I be at thy side, holding and caressing you. Is my love for life so important that I would rather die a free man then like cattle sent to the butcher for the kings table. I say to you 'ah, I do'.

My only regret is that I will never see you again until we both are under the wing of god's caring hand, where alas we can truly be free. So do not cry for me my sweet. It is to a far better place I go when the guards come to usher me to the gallows. Tell my mother and father I accept my fate and died a free man.

With much love
Jimmy


The Doctor

Dear em,

The days and nights just seem to fold themselves into one another in these times. I can no longer separate the two from each other. When life is taken as I have seen, relentless and without discrimination; the young, the old, kings and peasants all falling to the hand of this black death you have to question the existence of god and just how mortal we are a species.

The amount of death I have seen these last few weeks is ghastly and unequivocal. Entire villages, farms, and estates wiped out of all inhabitants as this plague spreads across the land. It is worse then any war I have lived through our suffering imposed by any king. Is this god's punishment for the things we have done, for turning our backs to him, for placing Mortal man above him?

I can not yet begin to describe to you the amount of suffering or pain, and death I have seen since coming here those months ago. More then anyone man should ever have to see. Even worse for a man who is suppose to be able to cure the sick and relieve the suffering of those who are dying. Yet I can not do either, so I am coming home.

As I write you I am already under quarantine at a small garrison on the border of Italy. It is an old garrison that has been converted into something resembling a prison camp more then a hospital. It is absolutely deplorable the conditions these people are forced to live in and endure. I can no longer stomach the things I have seen and that is why I have decided to return to return home as soon as possible. There is no more work I can do here for these people. I can not save those who wish my help anymore. I am tired and beaten by this thing. The medicines I brought with me have long been used up and it is impossible to find anymore. All my attempts to save them have failed.

As I look around the rooms here at the prison I can already see those who are effected and those who will die within the night. The shaking, the eyes, death is surely alive and prospering in these times.

I hear them talk amongst themselves counseling each other afraid to talk to anyone outside of their on circles in fear of contracting this horrid thing. I am afraid to sleep wondering at times what may happen to me as I see the things they do to each other.

They say a trade ship brought the plague from the japans. But who knows for sure. All I know is that I have seen to much death and pain to be away from you and the children anymore. I have seen to many husbands, wives and children taken away from each other to know that I no longer wish to be away from you and our children. I want to cherish and live every moment within reach of your arms and within site of your eyes. I want to hear the children's laughter replace the screams and the crying that I have heard for the last few months. I want to gaze upon your face once more in the morning light as the sun first arises and the sky burns as fiery red as the locks of your hair.

I should be home within days of you receiving this letter. One of the guards is a kind enough gentleman who will make sure that this letter makes it way to you. In three days I will be allowed leave and return to you.

I miss you very much
Your husband
James.

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You are's
You are     the flame that burns in my soul
                Consuming my heart in its fire
                Leaving me wanting more in the embers
                Extinguished by your kiss.

You are    the sparrow that chases dreams
               Soaring through the pavilions of my mind
               Destined to reside within my dreams for eternity
               And nest within my wishes and hope
       
You are    the force that chases the sun into the heavens each day
               Bringing light to a dead world
               Draped in the cloth of nighttime's shroud.

You are    the force that pushes the oceans upon the shores
               Sculpting the land into it wondrous form
               Returning to it the life that had escaped it eons ago.

You are    the force that opens the heavens
               Releasing from it the tears of the darkened sky
               Upon the spectators below
               Chasing children into the arms of their mothers.

You are    the ideal that presents itself in such a manor
               That scholars and dreamers spend their lives pursuing
               In their quests for perfection.

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Untitled 1
We are what we have yet to become defined by what we have been.... Guided by the mistakes of the past to ensure a brighter tomorrow... always drawing strength from the other and hope in each other eyes....

Untitled 2
We are like two notes in harmony carried on the gentle breeze of a spring time wind. Cast from the flute of a magical creature in a moment when nature and his spirit have come together and embraced one another in a single solitary rapturous moment, as the world stands still to listen to him play.

Untitled 3
You are like the perpetual light at the end of a tunnel bringing direction and focus into the life of a wandering spirit.

Untitled 4
Maybe you made a wish, and the angles smiled and said it was a good wish. And I made a wish and they smiled and said it was a good wish.... Then they pointed us to each other and we haven't stopped smiling since...

Untitled 5
I find sorrow in your silence and longing in your absence... have you not a kind word for this wondering soul.... this lost tired spirit.... this creature who only dares one day to lay with you in fields of green and gaze upon the clouds as if they were dreams hanging from the sky for us to just reach out and take. Have you not a word that would calm the fire that burns inside for just one chance to taste your lips upon mine?

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